What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 02:53
As i do to all so called friends.?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why do I feel worthless most of the time?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
What are some things that children used to wait for, but are no longer common in today's society?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
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But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why do I like to eat my own cum?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
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It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
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I had hoped to write a book about this .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She loved him until the end.
Can I use the LEG PRESS to build muscle?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
All the time i was locked up.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He resisted the act ,that day.
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One cannot live in the past .
I never cut or harmed myself..
It was going to be , some day.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He knew the spot.
What is the nastiest thing you had your wife do and she loved it?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
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He was dying to do it , i knew.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I have no regrets .
I was scared of men, in general
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Why do people always talk about Ohio as it's a dangerous city?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Would this be the day?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I will be 64.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was very sick at this time too.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I said to her
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
This is soul school!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was 9 years of age.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
What did i know ?
I could never make a relationship work though!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Was to survive, this bastard.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We were not on the streets..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But it wasn’t much.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Especially a lifetime of it.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Put me off passion for life!!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Ive learnt so much.
And i lived it daily.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But ive been too sick for many years..
I waited trembling.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Comes on , in middle age.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She found it foreign!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im still living with it.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But, we were locked up after school.
My family never makes their pension either.
I don,t even have a pension.
She was in good health!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We all went to grammer schools
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She married twice! .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why did i forgive my father ?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
When she asked me how she looked .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was seconnd youngest,
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She wouldn,t have been !
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I think the readers, may guess!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
(And it was in our own minds.)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I write beautiful poetry .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My life is so biszare .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So whats the point in blame.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So, i spoilt her more .